Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Lingerie Bowl?

Would you pay $30 to watch an American-style football game played by teams of 7 models wearing lingerie? DaimerChrysler's Dodge unit apparently thinks you will. The event is supposed to be a pay-per-view event during the half-time of the Super Bowl and, yes, it's supposed to be a full-tackle game. Let's examine this in more detail, shall we?

Seven (presumably lovely, tall, and willowy) models will dress up in lingerie of varying styles, step out onto a "field" or whatever, and line up against 7 other models similarly attired. The quarterback steps to to the center, calls out the signals and barks the order to snap the ball. At this point, the offensive and defensive line will immediately smack together as hard as they can, 1 side trying to get the quarterback and slam her down into the ground before she can let fly with whatever pass pattern she's called. The other side is, of course, trying to prevent that from happening. The receivers are sprinting downfield along with their defensive cover trying to get into the clear so the QB can pass the ball before she's turned into a lingerie-clad patee'. Now, eventually, someone's going to have to make contact with someone else and that's going to result in an impact. Impact on a human body can, and in American-style football games usually does, produce bruising. Abbrasions. Cuts, even. There might even be the rare broken nail.

Oh. The humanity.

Yeah, yeah, it's a gimmick. I'm not entirely opposed to gimmicks, believe me. But this is just too transparent even for me. Let's just cut the bullshit, walk the girls out in their teddies and bustiers and then have them strip and jump into the pool of jello for a big-old 7-on-7 grope match for the whole of halftime.

Now that's entertainment!